I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
