Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
