I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
