glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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