Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
