She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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