lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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