Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
