Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
