You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
