i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
