So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
