I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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