would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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