This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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