Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
