epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
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