maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
