Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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