i wish my penis had a tongue
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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