I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
