My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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