I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
