Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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