How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
