Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
