Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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