ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
