My balls are so social today.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
