1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
