I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
