Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He shit in the fireplace
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