I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Randomize
