and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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