who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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