note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
