sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
