some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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