Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
