haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
