Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
