You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
please come you make the beer taste better
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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