Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
