dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
