I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
