3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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