She's JV to your varsity
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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