guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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