Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he fucked my hip out of place.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
