I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
