My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
